youth novel
youth novel


I promised myself I wouldn’t go through this again. I lied.

  1. Believing in you is something I’m not ready to do. Honestly, I never thought this day would come. In truth, I was hoping you were with her. I was hoping for your happiness and your sadness and hoping you would get yourself so lost that you would never find your way back to me.
  2. I’m still so naïve. It’s been 18 hours and I’m already thinking of you in ways I shouldn’t and in ways I promised I wouldn’t. I’m trying to remember your scent and the way you felt inside me and the softness of your hands but, it all got damaged in the fire that was raging inside of me.
  3. I still think you’re telling me things I want to hear and I can tell because it sounds like a song that’s been on repeat in my life for the past five years. You’re singing it and I’m hopelessly trying not to sing a long.
  4. I’ll try this time but differently. This time I won’t let you into my secret domain and I’ll learn to keep some things to myself. I’ll try not to get so attached even though I can already feel myself getting stuck.
  5. I promised I’d never write about you again but here I am and here you are, in between the lines and the margins. If only you’d stay.
  Sep 16th

Summer is starting to drift away and so are you. I’ve begun to forget the color of your eyes and the sunset, the sound of your voice and the sound of the wind coming through my window, and the placement of your smile and the sun at high noon.

It’ll get cold soon. The light that used to shine in your eyes; the light that gave me hope and kept you alive is starting to fade away. I wish you could stay but no matter how hard I wish, summer will slip away from me, just like you did every year.

It’s cold now. I’m trying so desperately to remember the color of the summer sunset and imagining that it matches the color of your eyes. The wind is coming through my window and I’m listening so cautiously as if it were the last words you will ever say to me. And although it’s not the sun, I’m staring at the moon while it’s at it’s highest peak and imagining that it’s you smiling down at me.

  Sep 16th